On February 23, in the evening, I told my husband Oleh. They say that a full-scale offensive may begin tomorrow. We didn’t say anything together. We fell asleep, and in the morning I heard the whistle of an airplane, but I did not wake up. At 6:00, as usual, I woke up, reached for my phone to check the time and saw many messages on Viber.

The first one was from the student’s mother, “Can Mashenka not go to school today, we are scared” and the second one was from a colleague, “War has started”. I burst into tears and ran to my husband, he hugged me and confirmed that it was true. Tears, despair and some kind of helplessness overwhelmed me. I started swearing loudly, I don’t know why. Then I called my mom and said that we would spend the night at her place. An hour later I went out to get some bread. And I saw an endless stream of cars from Kharkiv, endless. There were long lines at the shops, but I managed to buy a Prague cake and two packages of gingerbread at the Kulinichi bakery. I returned home safely. My son was surprised that we were not at work, and he took it calmly that the war had started. The only thing he was upset about was not going to the rehearsal of the agitation brigade (he had been waiting to participate in it since he was in the 5th grade for 4 years).

I packed some things for everyone and an anxiety backpack. In the afternoon, my husband and I went for a walk, walked around our neighborhood, didn’t talk much, and in the evening we went to my mom’s house. We spent the night, constantly in the news, with different opinions. The next day I came across an announcement on Facebook about mobilization in our community. In fact, I pushed him to take this step. I think so now. Without hesitation, my Oleh went to the center. Before that, he bought food packages for us and my mother, filled the car with gasoline. I hugged him and kissed him. I did not think I would not see him at all!!! The son hugged his father tighter.

On February 26, my Oleh became a soldier. We continue to communicate by text messages and calls, my mother and I are arranging the cellar, although we understand that no one will save us from there in case of a bomb. There were sleepless nights, jumping to the cellar, sitting through the anxiety. Fear. Reading the news, emotional breakdowns when you realize that everything is over. My husband supported me, talked to me, told me about how hard it was for him, and calmly told me that it was all necessary. On March 11, we decided to go abroad to Slovakia with our relatives. Oleh kept talking about it: “It’s cool! With relatives in Europe! What an opportunity! I realized that not at such a price ….

Since March 14, we have been abroad, safe. I was constantly waiting for messages from my husband, I was happy when I had the opportunity to hear his voice. He said that he shouldn’t have been mobilized at all, but he was happy that he went to defend his homeland, and I said that he was a hero. Oleh replied that he was just a conscientious worker who gave the contract soldiers a run for their money. He said that Ukraine was a nation of warriors, that the whole world was proud of us, that we would return earlier and he would return later because there would be bureaucratic obstacles. And so it happened. My husband died. Back on April 22, at 11.32 a.m., he called my relatives and told them that I was fine, just that there was no internet, and he died the same day. I learned about his death on our Easter. It’s been 4 Fridays since he’s been gone. We came back really early to bury him. When I look around, go to social networks, everyone is fine, their husbands are waiting at home, everything is fine!!!

My brain does not accept this

I love my family, my husband, my son, I love my country. I know that he would have gone to the front anyway. But now we are without him. We thought that everyone would defend Ukraine, because it was the right thing to do and the honest thing to do. Life goes on, I guess. I realize that my story is simple, but it is my story.

Halyna, Merefa